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Dealing with Anxiety and Depression

I don’t know what changed, but something did.

Well first, I got sick. It was something that was going around the office. Nasty virus that eventually turned into a sinus infection. Super fun. But then the ear infection started, and after three rounds of different antibiotics, nothing’s changed. I can hardly hear out of my right ear and although I was doing better with the virus, I’ve started getting worse again. My cough has come back, my nose will still be stuffy from time to time. It’s a nightmare. I’m headed to the ENT doctor tomorrow to see what can be done about my ear.

But that leads to my next big issue. Work. I work in a call center, which means I need to be able to hear and speak. Typing has never been a problem, but I need to hear and sometimes these people have us on speakerphone or are just very quiet. I haven’t been able to work. But it gave me time to realize that I just can’t stand working in the public sector anymore. I’ve hit a big bout of depression, akin to my very first time back during my sophomore year of college. No appetite, I sleep most of the day and when I’m awake, I’m still tired and lethargic. I have no interest in anything, don’t want to leave the house, and I’ve had at least one bad anxiety attack over the whole issue.

It’s not that I don’t want to work. Sure, I can be damned lazy when I want to be, but it’s not just that. Working in the public sector, especially retail and ESPECIALLY sales, makes me anxious and I’m so unhappy. There’s a level of unhappiness I can deal with in my job, but I dread going into work every day. Sure, I have friends there, but when you work in a call center, you hardly see them. I’m in  my own little world for 10+ hours with no access to fun websites (all I ask is for Pinterest, really) and a book. That’s it. And trust me, I love reading, but not when I can hardly finish a page without another call coming in. Quite frustrating.

I want to write and do something that actually makes me happy. I need creativity, I need a freeflow environment. And without it, it’s stifling. So although Disney wasn’t super creative and I was dealing with people (sometimes very NASTY people), it did give me a bit of creativity and being surrounded by such magic helped keep me going every day. Sure, there were plenty of days that I didn’t want to work, but my crew was amazing and we all supported each other and had so much fun on our little boat ride. Star Tours I don’t miss as much (too hot, too crowded) but Living with the Land… I’d go back in a heartbeat. Though trust me, I don’t miss Florida ONE BIT.

Feeling like this for the past week is not only inherintly exhausting, but has drained me even further. I guess I didn’t even wake up to my alarm or Sean waking me up this morning. I got plenty of sleep, but mentally I’m so drained that my body is too.

I know people have it worse than me. Of course. And they’d love to have my job. Sure. But in my unique situation, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Every time I’ve changed jobs, I’ve told myself I would never do retail, and I definitely never thought I’d do sales. But here I am, at the bottom of my personal barrel, trying to find a way out.

So in short, depression and anxiety suck. I’m depressed because I can’t stand my job and I’m anxious because money is a constant worry for us. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I’m trying to find the best solution for me and for Sean, but it’s tough. The idea of moving back to Virginia near/with my parents has crossed both our minds, as has moving back to Florida so at least I can be close to Disney. I don’t think either are a proper solution, though I’ve entertained both ideas.

Right now it’s time to just get my mental health in order and then work from there. It might not happen tomorrow or next week or next month, but I’ll find something I love to do that can keep us afloat. And hopefully he’ll find a job that works better for him as well. Call center life doesn’t suit us.

katiesig

Being an Adult

It’s been fun moving to Colorado, dealing with lower income for a while, higher cost of living, etc. But at the same time, it’s been fun. We both love it here. We have some great friends, lots of fun in our town. Plus I just got a full time job in sales at the same company Sean works for, so it’s looking up.

But I thought I’d fill you all in on what’s happened since then, including pictures.

The drive out to Colorado was long, but not terrible. Two people, lots of stuff, and two cats in one cab was tight, but not uncomfortable, especially since Binx hid under the seats the entire time. Buddy, however, quite enjoyed the view.

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Yes, we shaved him and he looked like an old man. Quite funny.

Kansas was the worst. Eight hours of nothing but flat land and windmills, which were cool but got old after a while.

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The desolate barren wasteland of Kansas.

As you all saw in my last post, we are all moved in and actually have a bed frame now, so our bed isn’t on the floor. Much more comfortable.

About two months ago was Denver Comiccon, the first convention I’ve ever been too, and boy was it awesome! Though I do wish we had done the full weekend instead of one day, it was so awesome! Lots of vendors, artists, celebrities. And, my highlight of the entire thing…

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Stan Lee’s autograph on his graphic autobiography.

Meeting Stan Lee was awesome! Though it was only for a few seconds, watching him interact with journalists, kids, saying “Excelsior” and everything… definitely worth it. I’m so glad I got to meet him and get his autograph before he passes away.

But about a month ago, I got a text from my roommates saying that Sean was in the hospital. Now, he’s had really bad chest/stomach pain for a while, and we had gone to the ER four times total in Florida, where they did jack shit for him except manage his pain, never getting to the root of the problem. I got there maybe an hour and a half after he had been admitted, and they had already done scans, bloodwork, etc. Already, Colorado hospitals had impressed me with how quickly they work. They tell us it’s pancreatitis, and later discover large gallstones and have his gallbladder removed. He was in the hospital for about a week.

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The sloth is Steve, someone to comfort him when I wasn’t around.

He’s doing much better now, with an actual appetite. He has four scars on his stomach that will hurt every so often, but he’s come a long way since his hospital stay. Thank you to everyone who has helped us out, both emotionally and financially, in such tough times.

This will be my last week working for the Boys and Girls Club, which kinda sucks and kinda doesn’t. The kids are getting antsy and rowdy now that summer’s ending, and it’s draining. But at the same time, some of those kids are so cool that I’m gonna miss seeing them every day. Especially my D&D boys. They definitely helped keep me sane when I was having rough days.

If you’d like to keep up with my life, go ahead and add me on Snapchat, send me pics or messages.

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katiesig

Going Back to Disney

It’s official. I’m going back to Disney in January!

I accepted the position a few days ago. While Jon spends his last semester in Puerto Rico, I’ll be working in the most magical place on earth in Attractions, which I’m super excited about. I’m a bit apprehensive. Last time I went with my ex and a few other friends, plus I met my bestest friend ever, Megan. This time I’m going alone and it unnerves me a bit. But I have to keep my head up because I’ve missed Disney so much and it could open doors for a possible career. When I’m down there I’m going to ask about how to get my foot in the door for Disney Hyperion. You know, the same company that publishes Percy Jackson? Yeah, them.

In the meantime, I’ve come down with a nasty case of bronchitis. And it sucks. Thanks to the addition of asthma, I’m having a hard time breathing and it’s making me constantly dizzy and woozy. So all I’m good for right now is to sit down, watch FaceOff, write some, and maybe read a bit later. Basically, I’m a couch potato. A sexy couch potato!

katiesig

It’s Official

I’ll be back at the University of Mary Washington next semester! I was officially accepted back around the middle of March and as of today all of my classes are secured. My schedule is as follows:

  • Every day at 11am until 12pm, I’ll have Intensive Intermediate Spanish.
  • Mondays at 5pm until 5:50pm will be Practicum Journalism.
  • Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3:30pm until 4:45pm will be Fantasy Writing.
  • Tuesdays at 6pm until 8:45pm will be Rise of Vernacular Culture.

And that’s it. Four classes with lots of time in between. I’m excited because I get to take a class with a professor who I absolutely loved and who had been my advisor before I left. She’s a hoot. And I’m really thrilled to be taking Fantasy Writing, something that I adore. And I realize that if I were an underclassman, I would’ve never gotten that class. Only because I’m a 5th (going on 6th) year senior with tons of credits did I get one of the earliest sign-up dates. So I get everything I want! Oh, to be an upperclassman.

But now the problem will be finding a job once I’m back. I rehashed my Care.com account and once I’m back in the states, I’ll renew the background check and see about getting a regular babysitting job that will pay well and can work around my school schedule and still let me have weekends to visit dad.

But I’m really pleased to be finally going back home. I’ve missed seasons and my bed and my family and my cat. The list is extensive, honestly. Puerto Rico has been lovely, but so many problems really put a damper on the experience. I’m tired of the corruption and the sheer laziness of most of the people here. It’s ridiculous.

Also, seriously, Wegman’s. I’ve missed it.

P.S. Ooh! And to add, I’ve been eating right and exercising daily and so far, lost 5lbs in one week! 😀

katiesig

First Post

I guess I’ll try and use this medium as my personal blog rather than the one over at Blogger. Though that one has far more posts and history to it, the fact that my travel blog, The Wanderlusters, is hosted through WordPress makes this a heck of a lot more convenient.

Not much going on in my life at the moment. Finished the first Percy Jackson book, halfway through the second. Hosting a friend’s kitty for the weekend and need to do some serious clean-up once he picks her up. Cooking, homework… this is seriously my life now.

You have no idea how happy I am to have Jon in my life to help out.

One day I’ll get a moment to breathe, to write, to sing, to learn. But it is not this day.

Off to make sure the pulled pork isn’t destroying my slowcooker. Have a great day, everyone.

katiesig